I broke up with him

And I feel sad about it. It's hard to let go of someone special and very dear to you. I never thought it would be this hard for me. I didn't cry, but I felt a heartache. It's like crushing my heart into pieces. But I can't blame anyone but me. I broke up with him...because I love him so much. I asked him if he could still be my friend and he said yes. Then I told him that I'd rather be his friend than his guilty girlfriend. I broke up with him because I don't have time for him. I have a lot of things to do in school and work. And I know it's unfair on his part. I told him this. But he said I should only break up with him if that's what I really have to do and if it'll be beneficial for me and not because I want things to be better off on his end. And that he loves me and wants to be with me. But I know it's not that easy for both of us. I feel like crying right now because I know things will never be the same again. And he's not my boyfriend anymore. And just thinking of him being on dates is really pissing me off. But since I'm the one who broke up with him, I have no choice but to live with the fact that he's on his own now. And there's nothing between us now but friendship. I lost him..no, I pushed him away from me. And I have no right to feel this. I...I just wish things were different..and that I'm not this stupid..and hypocrite. And not this fickle-minded. Now I realize how much I love him. Now that he's gone... I broke up with him without even saying how much I love him. I blew it all. Now I'm left with the dust...covering me. I love you, Brent! I love you... I..I love you... I actually do... What have I done? I love him! And I blew up the only chance to be with him. How can I be this stupid? I can't do anything now. Oh, there's one thing though... I can just move on... But how?